The Mail Online is alerting us to a new fashion craze this weekend - people having ears. We are told ears are:
"The bizarre body part the A-listers are flashing on the red carpet"
That's right. Ears are a "bizarre body part", being "flashed" and flaunted on red carpets and catwalks around the world. The Mail explains:
"As a nation of stargazers, we're used to watching celebrities on the red carpet competing for the title of best bottom, cleavage, arms, legs and abs.
It's almost as if the Mail is revelling in how banal it has become and how low its readers' expectations have been set by years of this kind of "bottom, cleavage and abs" dumbing down.
"Now it seems a whole new category has emerged in the 'flashing the flesh' contest: ears.
"A-listers from Nicole Kidman to Cheryl Cole have been showing off their auditory assets..."
So they've got ears?
And there was me labouring under the misapprehension that people have always had ears.
"Ears have been emerging (quite literally) on catwalks in London and New York..."
"Emerging"? "Quite literally"? Does the Mail really mean women have been sprouting ears mid fashion show?
Perhaps I have been wrong to take my ears for granted all these years. Maybe I was just lucky to be born very fashion forward.
No doubt in the world of fashion and celebrity journalism, words and ideas are kept intentionally simple, the stories generally lightweight.
But there's lightweight and there's jaw-droppingly banal which now appears to be the benchmark for such celebrity filler.
The Evening Standard hit a new low in this race to the bottom on Friday with a story that could only have been of interest to two people at the very most and they both knew about it already because it was about them:
These are dark days indeed.